“Judging Other Women”: 25 Behaviours That Indicate “Toxic Femininity”

From the day we are born, we start learning, growing, and developing. To the point where we’ve come to understand that part of the human experience is changing and evolving from our basic primal instinct into a more mindful, higher version of ourselves. Putting this into practice often requires a balanced mindset of self-awareness and self-criticism to help make sense of how to apply this in real-world scenarios.

Recently, a particularly interesting Reddit thread touched on the topic of toxic traits women should avoid. Many responses to the question, “We know what toxic masculinity looks like — what does toxic femininity look like to you?” flooded in online. We’ve run through the lot and shared a few top favourites that may help any woman aspiring to achieve this goal gain further understanding on the subject.

#1

I’m going to add to this in a very specific way. BOY MOM ST. When mother in laws side with their sons rather than their daughter in law even though the son is very obviously in the wrong or equally at fault. Mothers should be able to view their children, male or female, with a clear lens. You are not being a protective mother, you are being toxic. You are failing yourself, your son and their relationship because you are incapable of seeing that your son has flaws and is capable of making bad decisions like everyone else on earth. Now, other family members shouldn’t even be involved in most disagreements or arguments, but IF they happen to be, they either need to stay out of it or treat each side with understanding. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be an argument between the couple. It could even be something that just happens to upset/bother the mother. My own mom has blamed my sister in laws for joint marriage decisions. They spent too much money? Automatically the woman’s fault. They eat out too much? Daughter in law should be cooking more. Kid has a cavity? Why isn’t daughter in law brushing their teeth better?! Somehow, it falls on women. I’ve seen it within my own family and many others. Toxic st.

#2

-Judging women for wearing makeup and also in turn judging women for not wearing makeup. -Other women enforcing and judging for not fitting into societal beauty standards, I have a coworker who dresses more on the casual side for work and gets judged for it even though it’s not an issue for any authority figures at my job -judging other women for choosing to be childless -judging other women for choosing to be housewives -writing off other women’s struggles and emotions that involve a toxic spouse, siding with the man because “girls are crazy” -mothers of adult women treating them like they have no worth if they aren’t married and catering to their husbands -expectations of weight and overall appearances that are enforced by other women

Internalized misogyny makes me so sad when I witness it in real time from the women in my life. There’s so much pressure from every angle to be a certain way, act a certain way. You’re either too much or not enough as a woman.

#3

Women should know how to cook, clean and care for kids just because they are women. As if we were born with a broom in one hand and a pot in the other.

#4

Discrediting mothers who gave birth via c-section.

#5

The constant man-hating. The women who in every single situation just suddenly go off and start yelling about how terrible all men are ever, when the situation doesn’t actually have anything to do with it.

#6

Tearing other women down out of jealousy.

#7

Mormon trad wives influencers who think their performative homesteading and raising 10+ children is peak feminism. When really the patriarchal and deeply oppressive systems they were born into and brainwashed by their entire lives = they never had any other choice.

#8

Ignoring women’s childfree choices…’you might change your mind’ or ‘you never know…’.

#9

Judging other women for their appearance. Being agist. Judging women for what they wear.

#10

I once had a stranger (woman) in a restaurant compliment my shirt and tell me the color looked good on me. I immediately thought she was making fun of me somehow and being a “mean girl”. Because that’s how other girls/women treated me my whole life. She was just being nice. The mean girl mentality is toxic and definitely scarred me. I’ve since made friends with women who lift me up as friends should. We need to stop being judgy a******s to each other.

#11

Skinny women not able to talk about their issues because “they have none if they are skinny”

Im sorry? Yes we do. Ive had eating disorders my whole life and been underweight but ya know who cares bc its related to being skinny.

Also the whole “housewife” thing, just because im a woman does not mean i should stay home and cook, take care of a child and clean. I want to work.

#12

If toxic masculinity is men shaming men for being not stereotypically masculine enough, toxic femininity is shaming other women for not being stereotypically feminine enough examples:

S**t shaming other women for not being stereotypically demure and also shaming partners who have a higher sx than they do for wanting to sleep with them, because women aren’t supposed to want sx.

Being miserable as a parent but trying to get child-free women to have babies too, and having children to avoid getting a job.

Being rude to people in public, safe in the knowledge they won’t get assaulted for it,becayse they’re a weak and feeble woman.

Being critical of other women’s looks, for not being feminine enough (or of men, for being too feminine).

#13

“Mean Girl” behavior, such as being catty, making backhanded remarks, talking behind people’s backs… Also that whole “I’m not like other girls” mindset.

#14

Expecting people to make babies like it’s the only option. .

#15

Pick-me behavior; “I’m not like other girls because I like (insert stereotypically male hobby here), and that alone makes me better than other women”.

#16

The sense of superiority some women have for performing “femininity” better. The gender roles are what makes it so toxic on both ends. “You’re not a real woman unless/until _____” (had kids, got married, whatever)

#17

Cattiness to women who don’t conform to the in-group.

#18

Women who pretend to be dumb or believe that being smart is an option.

#19

The first thing that comes to mind is the whole “I’m just a girl” thing. It’s toxic because the repetition and ubiquity of the “tee-hee, women aren’t people!” nonsense can normalize “women aren’t people” in people at large. F**k off. That’s not the point of the song and that’s also not cute.

Edit: Also! This has already been said elsewhere in this thread but I want to echo it: Toxic femininity is also excluding trans women, or insisting that being assigned female at birth is the be-all and end-all of being a woman. Trans women are women. Trans men are men.

Second Edit: Idgaf why you, personally, use the phrase “I’m just a girl” and why your own personal use is totally not toxic femininity and totally doesn’t contribute to other people accepting the idea that women aren’t people. I answered the OP’s question. Move along.

#20

“Women weren’t meant to…”, generally followed by nonsense designed to make us weak, dependent and without societal power. I really, really worry about a lot of “soft life” content geared towards women because of this. Like, yes, hustle culture is toxic and folks should be ok not constantly running the corporate rat race, but the problem is capitalism, not your menstrual cycle.

Do you REALLY think your homemaker foremothers weren’t working hard even during their luteal phase? My grandmother was a grown as adult before she had a washing machine and I assure you, keeping a home was hard as physical work. My grandparents and parents were bound and determined that I get an education BECAUSE they realized that office work was so much easier. Unless your ancestors were wealthy, they ALWAYS worked very hard.

#21

Smother Mothers. Moms who keep their kids dependent to them so they are always needed. Classic cause of failure to launch.

/justnomil is just full of them.

#22

Women who weaponize their anger, entitlement and tears.

#23

Toxic femininity….being overly passive and people pleasing. Petty, gossipy and backstabbing.

Helpless damsel in distress who can’t do anything without a “big strong man.”

Disempowers herself. Manipulative, especially with emotions. Judgmental. Mean girl energy.

#24

Helpless princess – in need of rescue all the time.

#25

Supporting women’s wrongdoings. Being held accountable should be an equal matter.

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.