30 Real-Life Struggles You Can’t Understand Until They Are Yours

Life is full of experiences that are hard to fully grasp until you’ve been through them. From personal struggles to unexpected joys, certain moments carry lessons that only those who’ve experienced them can truly understand. A recent Reddit thread posed this very question : “What’s something people don’t understand until they’ve been through it themselves?” The responses were both eye-opening and deeply relatable, offering a glimpse into challenges, emotions, and realizations that often go unspoken.

Here are some of the most insightful answers shared by Reddit users.

#1

Losing a beloved pet.

It’s one of those weird things where you can absolutely understand why they don’t get it. Because it doesn’t make much sense why it hurts so much.

They’re not blood related. Not even the same species. They’re so far removed from us, that from the outside, it probably just looks like losing a favourite item that has sentimental value.

But let me tell you: I’ve lost a lot of family members in my life. But none of those deaths compared to the sheer utter soul rending pain as losing my Dog was.

It is the only time in my life where I did not have a say, did not have any control, in my reaction.

#2

Death of a child, f**k cancer.

#3

Anything mental health related. You can sympathise but until you’ve felt the crushing lows and your own brain turning against you…

#4

You dont have to love and respect your parents after abuse because “thats STILL your dad(or mom)”.

#5

Chronic illness / pain / fatigue, also anxiety.

#6

Depression.

#7

Sexual Assault. It’s a different whole beast that you have to experience it before you just spout off on what you think, and you have to really understand what’s going on and what to do to deal with the aftermath.

And the trauma and recovery of regaining your identity as a person and not as a victim and the fact that we still don’t think about it or work with it with any gender is appalling.

#8

OCD.

I always roll my eyes when people simply pass off a casual thing as OCD.

“Oh I’m so OCD about this cabinet!”

You don’t have OCD. OCD is an actual disorder.

OCD is when your mind is overthinking like crazy. Every interaction with someone, no matter how big or small, gets blown completely out of proportion in your head; and you might have what I have in which I need to reflect and use this weird face ritual to clear the thought from my head, where any other noise in the room can throw me off and force me to restart the process.

If I touch something with my left hand, I have to touch it with my right hand. I find myself getting flashes of anger towards myself and other people when something isn’t happening the way I think it should be. Intrusive thoughts are in my head far, far too often.

It’s a hell of a lot more than just wanting your rooms clean, or making sure your feet are walking in the squares on a tile floor.

I really hate that OCD is sort of trivialized by the majority of people.

#9

Miscarriage.

I birthed a grapefruit-sized water bubble into my underwear and when it popped, I saw the giant eyes and tiny fingers before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to flush it. Then I bled for a month.

Everyone I talked to said it was a very common thing. “Oh so you had one?” “No but I know someone who did”.

#10

Divorce. Being cheated on. Having your heart broken. Being a single parent.

#11

Being stalked. It’s a horror that rips your life apart.

#12

Chronic fatigue, everybody thinks im just lazy because i need SO much sleep. I hibernate on the weekends.

#13

ADHD. I think it’s really hard for someone with normal executive function to understand what it’s like to not.

#14

War. Seeing exactly what evil a human being is capable of inflicting on another.

#15

How easy it is for medical costs to completely ruin you (in the USA, obviously).

I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 13. My initial stay in the hospital (so from diagnosis to the first time I was able to go back home) was 50 days. The bill for that alone was $1.5M.

I was very lucky. We were upper middle class. My dad had very good health insurance through his employer, so it did not ruin us. But it doesn’t take a genius to imagine what would happen if that hadn’t been the case.

Think about that next time you want to call anyone in favor of healthcare reform a socialist/marxist/etc. Imagine busting your a*s for decades, being responsible, and saving as much money as you can. Then you’re told you will have to go broke to save your child’s life. Now imagine that the sick child is not your only child. You have three others. Not only are you and your spouse going broke, but those children now have parents unable to support them so that they can live their lives to the fullest.

People’s ability to just ignore how f****d up that is will never cease to amaze me. I was 13 fg years old, and I was able to empathize with people who were not as lucky as me. It’s not that fg difficult. And if you think it’s acceptable that a family in the richest nation in the world could go broke just because a child gets sick, you’re a heartless, cynical a*****e.

#16

Poverty. People who grew up having money often think that poverty is a result of lazyness. And if you do eventually become financially stable, you still have habits and a different mindset because you grew up poor. It takes a lot of time to change that and realise that you dont have to save money all the time and you have enough for everything you need. Its difficult not to feel guilty when you buy something for yourself and buying something thats not on sale always feels illegal…

#17

Chronic lower back pain.

#18

Someone put debilitating disease-but for me, to specify, dementia/alzheimers of a family member. Seeing someone who raised you (in my case a grandparent, right as I got out of high-school) in that condition is devastating. There’s the things you know you’ll have to deal with, them not knowing the date, forgetting what your name is. Not recognizing someone.

It’s when they can’t remember/put something together and they know they can’t. That fear in their eyes, the realization of just not knowing something they knew. The fear, and helplessness on their face. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It’s a terrible thing.

Then the anger and fights when they dont know who you are and why youre there. Worst years of my life was seeing her mind just vanish. You can see it in movies, hear stories about it, but until it’s in front of you, you just don’t know. I applaud anyone who cares for the elderly with those issues.

#19

Abusive relationship. It’s so easy to ask “why didn’t you just leave if he was hitting you?” It’s not an easy question to answer. The abuse doesn’t start with a knock out punch on the first date. Abuse starts with arguments usually after the honeymoon stage. Maybe he pushed you, snatched your phone out of your hand, or slammed the door in your face.

By the time you’re getting your a*s whooped- walking away with black eyes and broken ribs, that’s when you start to realize it’s abuse. It’s not just a fight that went too far like you’ve conditioned yourself to believe. At that point you probably live together, share bills together, own things together and you start to question would it be easier if I just stay? What will he do to me if I leave? Is it really my fault like he says?

#20

Being autistic in a society that doesn’t understand you.

#21

Panic attack.

#22

Mental illness.

#23

Losing ur parents/parent, it’s been 4 years and i still cry for my dad, i miss him a lot

P.S: i am reading the replies to my comment with watery eyes, may God keeps everyones’ parents safe and healthy.

#24

Insomnia.

#25

Having a loving relationship with people.

Not necessarily romantic, just a human bond that isn’t some cheap aqcuaintanceship.

#26

Narcissistic abuse.

#27

Unexpected layoffs. The financial uncertainty hits harder than you’d think.

#28

#29

Any form of addiction.

#30

The death of your spouse. In an instant, everything changes. Their family slowly, or sometimes not, walk away. Less calls, and invites, more so if there are no children. Every life plan evaporates. You lose half your income, half your friends, and all of your dreams.

Saumya Ratan

Saumya is an explorer of all things beautiful, quirky, and heartwarming. With her knack for art, design, photography, fun trivia, and internet humor, she takes you on a journey through the lighter side of pop culture.