25 Unwitting Mistakes Dads Make With Their Daughters

Making some parenting mistakes is part and parcel of the package. No one is perfect and we are all bound to make mistakes. The best way to prevent it is to learn and understand so you know what to fix when moving forward. Recently, a Reddit thread gained traction after someone asked people to detail the biggest mistakes dads make with their daughters. From withholding physical affection to making unnecessary body shaming remarks, there are quite a few things that men can stand to change about themselves when dealing with their female progeny.

#1 Not listening and acting when your child says “no.” I’m not talking about issues of health and safely but more general “I don’t want to be tickled right now” or “please don’t call me that nickname you think is cute but I’ve told you I dislike.” She HAS TO be able to trust that the first important man in her life will listen when she expresses what she will and won’t consent to.

#2 Not teaching us the same things they teach their sons ie) car maintenance, building s**t, power tools etc.

#3 My dad didn’t do any of the stereotypical mistakes.

But as a fully grown woman, I can now look back and see how my dad never complimented me.

He never called me beautiful, or intelligent, or talented, or kind, or anything.

And I was. I was a lovely, smart, motivated, talented kid. But I was deeply insecure. I think a little encouragement from love would’ve done me so much good.

#4 The way they talk about women. Making assumptions about them easy, promiscuous, or a s**t based on how they dress. Making sleazy or fatphobic remarks on their body proportions. They make it like women exist for their viewing pleasure.

#5 Expecting different things from their daughters than their sons, especially when it comes to household chores. Like, Brother mows the lawn once a week but Sister has to do all the dishes, sweep the floors, and fold the laundry every day.

#6 Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives. Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions – like what their daughters birthday, or eye color, or school is, and the dads have no idea are not at all funny. I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me – even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years.

#7 My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn’t know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that.

It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn’t know how to talk about it in the past. But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on. We hugged for a really long time after that, and we’ve been hugging extra tight ever since :)

So I guess what I wanna say is, don’t treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking! I’m so proud of my dad for the person he’s become

#8 Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad “doesn’t have anything in common with a girl”. This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son’s life.

#9 Acting like periods are disgusting.

#10 I cut contact with him nearly ten years ago, because he was an overall piece of s**t, but these are a couple of examples of how not to be a daughter’s father. Or anyone’s father.

When I was just hitting puberty, I was in a store with my dad and picked out a hair removal cream. He asked why I needed that, and I said for my under arms, and he laughed in my face. Loads of people looked at us really awkwardly. I was mortified.

Also, he would tell me off and call me names for showing emotions other than neutrality or happiness (but not too much happiness). When I was about 7 or 8, I cried watching “All dogs go to heaven”, and he called me a “stupid f***g ct” for crying over a cartoon. Now I’m 28, with a monotone voice that I can’t get rid of without putting a hell of a lot of effort in. I really struggle any time I get gifts, because I know my face and voice often don’t show how grateful and excited I am. I also have anger issues, because I was never taught how to deal with frustration and anger, I was just made to bottle it up instead.

#11 Expecting your daughter to do all the (physical and mental) labor your wife does when your wife is not around.

#12 The whole “tell your bfs I’ve got a shot gun” mentality.

That’s the quickest way to teach them to hide bfs from you. A) it’s unnerving and B) it means you don’t trust their choices.

Much better to have a home where the boys are expected to come in and meet you, you get a feeling about them, then have a rational discussion with your daughters later on. Not a raging ‘get rid of him’ kind of chat. Like a chat where you say I didn’t like how he said this to you, does he respect you, etc. She’ll be more likely to listen to logic, and more likely to come to you if she’s worried or unsure about things.

Open dialogue rather than telling her you know better. Odds are, you DO know better. But telling her that shuts her down and she feels like you don’t value her thoughts or opinions. So she won’t open up to you again.

#13 Not showing/explaining what a good man/partner looks like.

#14 Body shaming/ fat shaming

I’m a full grown adult and can name every single time he called me fat, told my friends I needed a diet, ate snacks in front of my and told me I couldn’t have any cause I didn’t need it. I quit theater in school cause ‘how many fat actresses do you see’. No good man will ever want me. Ect.. ect…

Don’t do that dads.

#15 I can’t speak for anyone else, but my standards for how I expected to be treated in a relationship came from watching my dad interact with my mom. And surprise, surprise, my first relationship was with an emotionally abusive and controlling person who made me feel like I was worth nothing. (I went to therapy and now I’m in a healthy relationship and don’t speak to my parents. :))

So I would say the way you treat your wife is a reflection of the relationships your daughter will probably default toward in the future. If you treat your wife kindly, like a person who is worthy of respect and care, your daughter is likely to find a partner who does the same for her. If you don’t, the reverse becomes more probable.

#16 Expecting that we will accept their wrongs as easily and readily as our mothers did.

#17 The one mistake my dad made was not really being present.

A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching tv or being on the computer and not having time to play with me, he always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. so since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either.

#18 Not apologizing or taking accountability for making mistakes, everything was always everyone else’s fault….which means we now have a surface level relationship because he could never be open or self reflective.

#19 Telling women to be more patient and tolerant of the men in their lives because they “don’t know any better” and that it’s the woman’s job to keep the household together.

This came from my single mom and she has a son and a daughter who are both adults. Guess who still cooks, cleans, and does the laundry for their son while the daughter does that for herself in the same household?

Teach your daughter to respect herself more. If any person (man or woman) can’t keep up with basic physical and emotional expectations, teach them. If they are unteachable or not respectful, leave them.

#20 My dad wanted to raise intelligent and capable daughters but also wanted to be treated like the family patriarch. We had to get good grades but any attempt to express individuality was crushed. Quelle surpise, I developed depression as a teen. Got therapy for it, the therapist had a family session and told my dad he was f*****g up. Therapy stopped.

Also he and my mother were miserable together, and I internalized a lot of bad ish about how they treated each other that took about a decade to unpack and overcome. Together or not, treat your daughter’s mother with kindness and respect.

Lastly, studies have shown that girls who are taught about bodily autonomy and consent aren’t at any greater or lesser risk of being victimized by a r*pist. But knowing ‘your body is yours and your consent matters’ makes them more likely to report abuse and assault.

#21 Being too overprotective. It has the opposite effect. Your daughter will be so scared of your overreaction that if something actually happens, she’ll be hesitant to tell you.

#22 Treating women poorly. Giving different rules because you’re a girl. Leaving and thinking their daughters don’t want or need your attention anymore. Not having actual conversations with them.

#23 Doubting the sincerity/professionalism/skill of other women they encounter because they’re women.

One time my dad said “you know they only put that woman [insert title of car show] on the mechanics team for one reason (hinting at the reason being eye candy).”

It stayed with me. I had been dealing with a lot of sexism in the industry I was pursuing — making a connection inevitably led to a request for a dinner date or a sexual proposition — and it really made me depressed to hear my dad say something like that about a woman who probably really did have an interest in cars.

He didn’t get why I was so upset.

#24 Thinking that your daughter’s emotional needs are being met by her mother. Even if mom and daughter are very close and talk often, it is still important to ask your daughter about her day, her relationships, her triumphs and struggles.

My mom is my best friend, but our relationship was more volatile than my relationship with my dad and I was scared of disappointing her. My dad was often neutral territory and got to hear all the gossip before mom did. My dad was awesome!

#25 Do not embarrass your child when they hit puberty, or exclaim in a store”she needs a bra, she has breasts now” . I wanted to die that day.

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.