25 Toxic Beliefs About The Role Of Women That Were Normalised By Society
Maybe it sounds like the plot of The Handmaid’s Tale, but over the years there has been a great influence exerted to make women think that marriage is the best way to show society one’s value.
However, more and more women are speaking out against these patriarchal notions. From obsolete ideas on the expectations of women to the blatant sexism most females are still subjected to, women shared their opinions on things that the public needs to be more open-minded about
#1 That men are incapable of self control so you better be 100% committed to sex before so much as kissing them, because they can’t stop once they get started, so if you change your mind, tough luck. I was taught this by my mother who still, to this day, fully believes it.
Maybe tmi, but even right at his peak, if my demeanor changes at all, my mate stops to check in and make sure I’m still fully engaged. And if, on occasion, for whatever reason, i need to stop? He stops immediately and does not make me feel bad about it. No guilt, no shame, no failure. Ladies, please don’t accept less than this in a partner.
#2 When men would catcall, grab me in clubs and touch me without consent. I’m going back about 11+ years when I was out partying etc a lot, it was so commonplace we all just accepted it. I’m disgusted by it now and sad that we all had to deal with that.
#3 “haha! you got beat by a GIRL!” said by the girl herself when she beats a guy in a game, common in the 90s/early 00s.
#4 This might be kinda controversial but polyamory. I’m sure there’s got to be someone who operates better in a poly relationship than in a monogamous one, but from what I’ve seen and experienced, it does nothing but multiply the issues that exist in monogamy.
Humans aren’t nearly as enlightened as they want to be or think they are, and jealousy and favoritism are so easy to breed in a situation where you need to give equal attention and communication to multiple people. It’s so easy to gang up on one person in a situation like that.
I’m obviously not saying that monogamy is for everyone, but being poly sounds like a nightmare to me and it’s so f*****g difficult to find people who don’t want to be involved with others.
I’m pan and nonbinary and I’m also alt which makes me a magnet for these types and they always seem so surprised and a little insulted when I say I want a monogamous relationship.
#5 Defaulting to prefer male bosses, heroes, politicians, pop stars, actors, everything. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I realized the systemic nature of this. It’s so pervasive, you don’t even notice. Now I support fellow women, LGBTQ, diversity, and minorities all the way.
#6 A woman’s purpose is to serve the Lord, stay pure until marriage, and serve your husband.
Being raised with this mentality led to being pressured into giving up my “purity” before marriage and feeling as though I had to stay with that man, waiting on him hand and foot, because that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.
Religious trauma is real and is a terrible thing to live with. Thankful I am no longer in that situation.
#7 That my worth is about how likeable I am and how I can serve others around me.
I tried so much to meet the unrealistic expectations and gave up when my dad got cancer and literally no one tried to be there for me except for a few friends who are now my ride or die and they didn’t do it because i was likeable or serving them, they genuinely love me for who i am.
That experience changed my entire perspective on life.
#8 I grew up as a conservative Sicilian-Italian Catholic and until my late teens/early twenties thought that being submissive towards men was what I was supposed to do. As the years went on and I struggled, I eventually rebelled hard. Now, at 35 years old, an atheist, college educated and twice divorced, I revel in my freedom. The thought of conforming, in so many ways, disgusts me.
#9 Women keeping quiet when a man says something rude or stupid. I never saw a woman stand up for women when I was growing up.
#10 The food pyramid. I remember growing up in the 90s. I am very allergic to wheat, soy, processed anything, and caramel coloring. All those years pooping blood, I feel much better now. Knowledge is power and I feel more intelligent now.
#11 I took being silenced whenever I spoke up about a different viewpoint as normal. It made me think I had to share the same beliefs as the people around me, especially my parents, which truly f****d up my conscience.
#12 The way people talk about waiting until marriage to have sex. I used to go to a youth group as a teenager for like two years and at the time believed it was important to wait until marriage. There are so many examples but one I remember is “imagine if everyone passed around a chocolate bar and took a bite, you would still be happy when you got a bite but it wouldn’t be the same as a full chocolate bar.” I’m not a f*****g chocolate bar I’m a human being.
#13 Pretty much my entire family dynamic growing up, and a lot of subtle sexism- I.e. being the “responsible one” and being expected to cook/keep an eye on my older brother so he didn’t burn the house down, instead of just… holding him accountable and teaching him to cook? The guy basically had to do a chore badly once and it became my responsibility to teach him or do it myself, even though I was cooking full meals and doing my own laundry as a kid.
#14 Pro life. Please don’t judge me! I was young and still in the catholic mindset. Thankfully have grown lots since then.
#15 Toxic friendships, find myself thinking “why did I ever put up with what they said?”.
#16 Being unhappy in a relationship, always walking on eggshells around them.
#17 That marriage would make me feel complete/happy.
#18 Men won’t like or talk or be attracted to you if you look/dress/behave a certain way. I shaved my head and still get men’s attention. Good decent men will care about and love you for you. Everything my mom told me I was doing that men wouldn’t like about me was wrong.
#19 I thought spending lots of money on makeup was normal because there’s always new stuff coming out and this pretty color, that nice palette, this new brand that. Turns out a good skincare routine is what’s important, you won’t need makeup then.
#20 Being a people pleaser and feeling like I had to say yes to everything. Twas exhausting.
#21 When being called gay was an insult. Now that I think about it, those guys really were horrible.
#22 Having a 6 years older boyfriend when you’re 15. My friend had older boyfriends and it felt so normal that I didn’t realize how messed up it was until I was 21 myself. It’s legal to have relations with 15-year olds in my country but it’s still not socially acceptable. Definitely a law that needs to have another look at.
#23 Ownership, submission, obeying your partner because they’re the man, and codependancy/narcasstic abuse in relationships because my generation was conditioned to believe it was normal.
Woman and children are dehumanized even today.
#24 Believing that if a boy teases me, he must have a crush on me. My daughters are being raised differently.
#25 Women letting men be in charge of like, everything. I don’t just mean politics. When I was younger, I had boyfriends give unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, dress, and use/not use makeup. Blows my mind now that any of that seemed normal and ok.
Shanilou Perera
Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.
