25 Times Doctors Did Not Hold Back Verbally During A Patient Consult

When people meet it’s natural to make conversation, at which point anyone can forget themselves and blurt out irrelevant things, or reveal more than they meant to. This also seems to have happened to several Redditors when their doctor said something completely unexpected during a consult. Whether it’s over-zealously sharing the excitement of a breakthrough discovery, or expressing their nervousness during a new procedure, the following conversations evoked a series of emotions within the patient that left an indelible mark they won’t soon forget.

#1 A male doctor declared that I was about to receive the best pelvic exam in my life. He then proceeded to chatter about how horrible they are for women so he asked his wife to help instruct him on making them as painless and comfortable as possible. He did not lie, it was indeed the best pelvic exam I’ve had in my life. Weird as f**k to start out that way, but bless him for caring so much.

#2 I had a female doctor bend me over and stick her finger up my butt to check my prostate. When she was done she said “Your prostate is absolutely wonderful! No enlargement at all. It’s absolutely fantastic! GOOD FOR YOU!”

She did this with the same voice and look on her face that one would give to someone who just performed a symphonic masterpiece. I felt so accomplished.

I’m sorry she left the practice.

#3 An older doctor was examining my breasts because they were lumpy and it concerned me. The doctor said ‘wow! Your breasts are just like my wifes … er I mean you both have fibrocystic breasts.’ He blushed and I just laughed.

#4 Him – Sir you have no ACL I have no idea how you’re walking, or wrestling, or playing basketball… doesn’t it hurt?

Me – mama didn’t raise no b***h

Him – no.. it’s seems not.. but she did raise a smurf

Damnnn I’m not that short.

#5 I had an MRI of my knee. Doc said two things that were unusual.

“I’ve never seen them use the word macerated to describe someone’s knee before.”

And

“How did you break your leg?” (I was not aware that I had broken my leg).

#6 Dr: Are you related to Dr _____ that works here?

Me: Yes, he’s my uncle

Dr: Do you like him?

Me: No he’s an absolute d**k

Dr: opens door rushes down hallway and I can overhear him say “told you! Even his own family hates him” to the other docs in the office.

#7 I saw a specialist following a serious arm injury. He looked me up and down, glancing at my pink and blonde hair, and muttered with an eyebrow raised, “Huh. That’s an… interesting color.” This wouldn’t be at all strange if his own hair wasn’t BRIGHT BLUE.

#8 I asked him what a long acronym “FUE” the ocular oncologist wrote meant, he tried to pronounce it, shrugged, and said “We’ll just call it F****d Up Eye”. It’s been called that ever since. During the same weird cancer episode, a neurologist said my brain was “unremarkable”. I mean, he’s right in so many ways, but I was delighted to hear it.

#9 “Have you considered that you’re making this up?” when I was literally throwing up daily and in pain.

That was a private doctor that I paid good money for.

It took a kind public doctor to tell me gently that I must be extremely stressed and it had started to affect my body.

I was very young so I hadn’t found my voice to state my boundaries and assert myself.

That incident taught me to be just as kind as that public doctor was.

#10 I got a vasectomy and the female doctor said, “you’ve got really nice anatomy,” and I couldn’t believe what she had just said to me. She followed it up with “I just mean your skin (on your s*****m) is really thin…” Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.

#11 I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head. He literally giggled, rubbed his hands together and said, “Power tools.”.

#12An old doctor gave me a hearing exam, and said I “have the ears of a German shepherd.”

Then he paused and said “your hearing is pretty good too.”

Doctor dad jokes….

#13 I broke my arm in 3 places in 4th grade. The doctor asked me if I wanted to have any pain meds before they set my arm and immediately warned me that it’d be through a huge needle that would hurt as much as setting my arm. So I passed on the pain meds and then passed out from the pain when they yanked on my arm to straighten it out. Doctors in the 70s acted like pain meds were made out of gold.

#14 “Stay here. I have to contact the state health department.” Turns out I had Zica.

#15 She said I was a healthy person with lots of medical problems.

#16 Not to me but years ago I drove my Dad to the doctors and we went in the room.

Doctor: What can I do for you Mr X Dad. I just haven’t been feeling myself lately. Doctor. I’m glad it’s a filthy habit.

I almost choked laughing.

#17 In the ER about 2am, he didn’t speak English very well. Starts telling me about my CAT scan and the results of it. Me being half asleep, I stop him and him if they took me out of the bed and put me in a machine. He says yes. I said I’m 99% sure that wasn’t me. He says “are you (name)?” I said no. He flips over the next page of his note pad, “Are you Skittlecar1?” I said yes. Ok good. You’re having a heart attack. Ended up with 5 stents and I’m all good now after some therapy.

#18 I told my doctor that I was concerned about my drinking. He asked why. I said I drank alone. He said “well so do I, that’s pretty normal”, then I went on to explain how I did it quite often and always to the point of getting drunk, to which he replied “well whats the point of drinking if you’re not going to get drunk?”. I was in my early 20s and left there relieved thinking that my habits were fine and carried on. Almost 10 years later I really wish he’d taken me seriously.

#19 “How the hell is there sand in here?” Got really hurt at the beach and had busted an eardrum. Went to the ER was told my ear was fine. Got back in my home state and went to an ENT doctor, had about 7 pieces of sand embedded in the membrane of my eardrum.

#20 -To stockpile my unused prescription meds instead of disposing of them because one day I might need to trade them for food or ammo.

-Eat more Wonder Bread.

#21 A horse threw me into the side of the barn (not really her fault) and broke my coccyx. ER took xrays of my pelvis. The ER doctor came in to tell me their findings with the biggest grin on his face and said, “Contrary to public opinion, I can’t put your a*s in a sling.” He obviously had been waiting his entire career to deliver that line.

#22 We got your blood work back and it turns out that you’re a Type 1 Diabetic! I responded with “yes, for the last 15 years, thank goodness I came to see a specialist”.

#23 “If God wanted us to take pills He would have put a little hole in our stomachs,” pokes me in the belly.

This from an endocrinologist who wanted me to stop taking all medications for at least a month before she would even think about listening to my concerns or having blood work done. After leaving me waiting in the exam room for nearly two hours.

#24 Told me my vertebra looked like someone put a saltine cracker on the floor and stepped on it. He was right, but that’s not exactly something I wanted to hear in that moment.

#25 To repeatedly hit my wrist with a Bible to get rid of some fluid buildup (a Ganglion) And it worked, too. (Any heavy book or hard object could work, he just advised a Bible).

Shanilou Perera

Shanilou has always loved reading and learning about the world we live in. While she enjoys fictional books and stories just as much, since childhood she was especially fascinated by encyclopaedias and strangely enough, self-help books. As a kid, she spent most of her time consuming as much knowledge as she could get her hands on and could always be found at the library. Now, she still enjoys finding out about all the amazing things that surround us in our day-to-day lives and is blessed to be able to write about them to share with the whole world as a profession.